Poetry and the Meaning of it All

Yesterday, I submitted four of my poems to Poetry Magazine; I also tried an offer by someone who claimed to be a poetry master to get a free assessment of one of my poems.

 

It will take a few weeks to hear back about the magazine submission, but I did get a quick response from this master poet. The attitude of this person toward my abstract, conceptual style of writing was nothing short of insulting. This makes me wonder; just how many people think like this?

 

I try, as best as I know how, to communicate through my poems the things that are deepest in my soul. I’m not going to spell everything out in great and gory detail just for the sake of being specific. I want my poems to draw the reader to themselves; I want the poem to be drawn into the reader. What is so bad about that?

 

I will keep plugging along with it all and hope that someone out there in this world understands.

Writing and Looking Ahead

Saw Darren today; thought he was going back to work before this, but he hasn’t gone back yet. I’ve been working on finding work myself, but I haven’t made much progress yet. I want to be doing something useful with myself.

 

I did manage to get some reading for my research done; I’ve also been working on improving my health. Tomorrow I’m going to try to do some more writing on my ebooks.

 

I had been planning on setting up a relatively simple web site to sell my ebooks from, but even in that, it’s going to take more money than I have right now. Still, I’ll keep plugging along in the writing and working on finding the money to set up the site and market it.

Stillness and Going Deeper

Today has been one of those days. As strange as it may seem, I think I’ve found the eye of the storm. I don’t know if this stillness is real peace or just the calm before the next wave of the storm, but I may as well enjoy it while it lasts.

 

I’m in over my head, I know it, and oddly enough it’s not all bad. All that is holding my head above water is God. At this point, if I’m going to go under without Him, what’s the harm in going deeper with Him?

A Lonely Day and a Friendly Voice

Today has been one of those days. The weather has been pretty wet, which does very bad things to me. I’ve been in a lot of pain, so I didn’t go out today.

 

I’ve made some progress in my research, which is good.

http://intelligenceresearch.wordpress.com/

 

Otherwise, I don’t really know how much more I’m going to get done.

 

I got a card today from a friend; her name is Jan. Mom had talked to her on the phone a few days ago, so I knew something was coming, but I didn’t know what. It’s nice to hear from a friend on a day that I didn’t get to go out; I needed it.

Work, Friendship, and One Moment at a Time

I got a bad sunburn yesterday from being out so long; didn’t sleep all that well as a result. The burn is some better, but I’m going to have to be very careful if I go out today, which I probably will.

 

I’m going to try and get some of the reading for my research done; also need to go to the library. Beyond that, I have no idea. I keep making schedules and one thing or another comes up and completely derails them.

 

Darren is supposed to be going back to work tomorrow, so I probably won’t see him as often. I knew this was coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier. My heart just can’t take the prospect of going back to being alone. I really hope I get to see him today.

 

I guess I’m just going to have to do this one moment at a time.

A Precious Friend and Getting Back to Work

Talked to Darren today; feeling some better. Sometimes, the thing that I need the most is just to be able to talk to someone. As scarred as I am inside, I trust him. Truth be told, he is one of the precious few that I do trust.

 

I haven’t done much with my intelligence research in quite awhile; I need to get back to it.

 

I’ve been working on finding a better way to define intelligence and a better testing method. I know, it’s a tall order, but I do believe it can be done.

 

I also need to finish the ebooks on education. Getting them done shouldn’t take anywhere near as long, but I still need to get back to them.

My Life; My Future

For the last few days, I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. There has been so much pain and turmoil in my life that there are simply no words.

 

All the possibilities of my future lay before me, and yet there is still this sense of dread that my future will be no better than my past. Knowing just how short my time may be doesn’t help any either.

 

The thing that means the most to me is my writing, but Dad, being as jealous, controlling, and possessive as he is, never lets me have anything for myself. There is a part of me that, even though I know better in my head, still believes the things he drilled into me like I’m not worth anything, I can never do anything right, and he owns me. Knowing intellectually that these things aren’t true doesn’t automatically erase the programming.

 

I keep writing in spite of the fear of the punishment I may face for outshining him; I just wish I could be sure my future really will be better and that my writing really will make a difference in people’s lives.